If I bought one ready made I would miss out on the countless hours of sanding. Sand, sand, sand some more! Oh, now it’s time to prime…
Oh, far out, my second favorite thing to do! Wow now it's primed … it's time for, yup…you guessed it … more sanding!
Well it's still
got some ripple in it, but maybe the topcoat will
hide it. Oh, goodie let's paint!
Hey, first coat doesn't look too bad … but that color doesn't seem to be quite right. No problem… probably just needs a second coat.
Ah, time for the second coat … oh but wait … we must first … yup you guessed it … again sand some more!
Yikes that second coat of that color looks worse than the first coat did! Hmmmmmmm … now what? Oh, I know, we can just sand it off! Now why didn't I think of that!
And so on and so forth through the painting process.
What do you mean I scratched the windows sanding the trim? Oh well, replacing windows is good exercise so no problem and not tooo much extra money.
On to the shingles...
A three story Victorian shingle house - hey piece of cake, right?
What do you mean there are 8000 shingles that need to be painted and another 2000 that just need stain? … jezzzzzzz … well I'm sure this will be a rewarding part of the task.
Oh you mean the shingles warp if you only paint one side! … No problem (he was heard saying as he walked away shaking his head in amazement).
Hmmmm staining these dang things is sure messy, huh, but I can see the light at the end of the shingle tunnel so no problem!
OK they are all painted and stained and it's only a year and a half later … no problem … now to put them on.
My gosh! I have to put them on one at a time? Oh well, the glue smells
pretty good … couple of deep breathes and we will be done in no time.
Oh … it does say “use with adequate ventilation” … oh well, it was only a three month coma so, no problem! I only have about 6000 left to install … cake walk!!
Eleven months 10 days later...
Well now that we have all the shingles on the outside doesn't look too bad!!
What do you mean porch railings?
There must be 15 feet of those little posts and rails … but oh, joy of joys. I get to paint each one … and not just one color … but three!
Whew 4 months 27 days later …
Well, that went well, huh? NO! … CAT! … Get away from there! Oh, shoot, I guess I need a bit more glue...
Well wasn't that fulfilling but I must say the outside looks pretty good … not as good as the one I saw in the shop but, hey, pretty darn good! Well after all it is my first one...
I guess we should do some wiring. Now let's sit right down and make a plan … milliamps? … Volts? … Resistance? … Shorts? … Transformers? Well, I better think about this for a while....
18 months 3 days later …
Well, shoot, let’s just give it a whirl and see what happens!
2 months 16 days later …
Well, that seems to work ok, I hope. Goes to show that if you throw enough money at something it will flourish…sorta.
And now it's wallpaper time. What the hay, compared to painting this should be a breeze!
OK, being as this house is being based on the early 1870s, I would think a tripartite scheme would be nice.
7 months 12 days later …
Wow, not bad … looks pretty good and I only had to do half of the rooms twice! Nothing to it!
Well, I mean, after this rewarding experience, who would even consider buying a house completed that is exactly what you wanted … and all you had to do was flash the Visa card?
Oh did I forget to mention the trim around everything?
Oh, well, you’ll get there … I mean … really … maybe there really is such a thing as reincarnation.
Oh and just look at all the money you saved doing it yourself! You could have been using the thing 6 years ago and had a nice collection of furnishings but, hey, by taking your time you still have that to look forward to.
Of course you are old now, and blind as a bat, but think of the enjoyment you had with all that sanding and stuff! No store bought for me, no sir … that’s for sissies!
Last revised: April 2001